Loving Mindy Read online

  Josh didn’t move a muscle as she grabbed hold of the door handle, making like she was going to open the refrigerator. He wasn’t intimidated in the least, studying her with that particular way of his. As if he could see right through her and knew exactly what she was thinking.

  It was disconcerting.

  “You thought our teen years were idyllic?” He sounded incredulous.

  “Well, before all the drama, yeah I did.” She rested her hands on her hips, glaring at him. “Are you going to move or what? You’re like a damn tree, blocking my way.”

  Chuckling, he stepped away from the fridge and she opened the door, grabbing everything she needed before shutting it with a nudge of her shoulder. She carried all the items to the counter and then preheated the oven.

  Josh went to the counter and settled his big body on a bar stool, looking perfectly comfortable with watching her cook.

  So she pretended he wasn’t there and went about her usual routine. The television in the living room was on with the local news playing, and she focused on that. Talks of the biggest snowstorm of the decade and a true white Christmas, though that was normally the case around these parts.

  But this year was an exceptional one, they were saying. Nothing but heavy snow was in the weather forecast from now through the twenty-seventh. Considering it was only the twenty-second of December, they were in big trouble.

  If this meant she’d be snowbound with Josh Powers for the next five days, she didn’t think she could stand it.

  “Where are your boys?” Josh asked out of the blue.

  Mindy slipped the baking sheet with the prepared chicken on it inside the oven, then set the timer for twenty minutes. “I told you already. They’re with their father.”

  She pressed her lips together, hoping he wouldn’t ask any more questions. She really didn’t want to talk about Marty marrying his girlfriend.

  “Are they in town?”

  “Um…no.” She focused on slicing the cucumber for the salad, letting the knife hit the cutting board with extra force. “They’re leaving for Hawaii.”

  “Hawaii? Wow, that’s some Christmas vacation.”

  Setting the knife down so hard it clattered against the cutting board, she turned to face Josh, her shoulders sagging with defeat. “He’s getting remarried.”

  Josh raised his eyebrows in seeming disbelief. “You’re kidding.”

  “I wish I were.” At the dark look that crossed Josh’s face, she realized her mistake. “Not that I still wish I was with Marty, no. Not at all. Us getting a divorce was probably the best thing we ever did for my sanity.” She blew out a harsh breath, hating that she rambled. “It’s just…I was supposed to have Kyle and Chandler for the holidays and he sprang this on them as a surprise. I mean, how could I say no? Their father is taking them to Hawaii and he’s getting married. This is an important moment in their lives, right? I can’t deprive them of a fun vacation and the welcoming of their new stepmother.”

  “Min…” Josh started but she cut him off with a look.

  “Don’t feel sorry for me or think I’m sad because Marty’s already moved on and I’m still in love with him or whatever. That is so not the case here. I’m glad he’s moved on. I wish I could say I regret marrying him but then that would mean I regret having my boys and I definitely don’t feel that way.” She smiled but it felt brittle, so she turned back to her cutting board. “I just wish he hadn’t moved so fast, you know? I miss my boys. I didn’t have them last Christmas either.”

  Mindy breathed deep, desperate to keep her emotions under control. It was amazing how life could change so quickly. She went from being the quintessential mom with the Christmas decorations everywhere to the bah-humbug scrooge who hadn’t bothered with even putting up a tree last year.

  This year, she’d gone all out, believing she’d have her sons to indulge in. Now that had been taken away from her. Again.

  And she really hated Marty for doing that.

  “Hey.” Warm, capable hands settled on her shoulders and she flinched, startled that Josh had approached her so quietly and she hadn’t noticed. “I know you miss them and they mean the world to you. This must be tough.”

  “Very,” she croaked, sniffing. No way would she cry in front of Josh. She refused. It was bad enough how she looked right now. She really hoped he didn’t think she still missed Marty because that was the farthest thing from the truth.

  Josh squeezed her shoulders, his touch reassuring. “You can have a second Christmas with them when they come back, right? I’m assuming they didn’t get a chance to open up their presents from you?”

  She nodded, pressing her lips together. That wasn’t a bad idea.

  “So just hold onto the Christmas spirit I see all over your house until they get back. They’ll be thrilled, getting not just one but two Christmases out of the holiday. Gotta look for the bright side, you know?”

  A smile tickled the corners of her mouth. “Thank you. I needed the pep talk.”

  “Anytime,” he murmured just before he gave her a quick kiss on the forehead and went back to his bar stool.

  Leaving her shocked and completely frozen.

  Chapter Three

  Dinner had been good despite her nerves and wanting to impress him. She’d known Josh what felt like her entire life, yet he had her so twisted up in knots it was ridiculous. She thought she was stronger than this. A grown woman shouldn’t be nervous and fluttery just because the man she’d stupidly rejected oh so long ago was now back in her life, in her house, stuck with her for who knew how many hours and she couldn’t get her stuff together?

  It was foolish. And if it was happening to someone else, she might even find it cute.

  But considering it was happening to her, she didn’t find anything cute about it whatsoever. Josh Powers unnerved her. With his big, burly chest and really nice forearms. Forearms he’d put on perfect display when he shoved up his sleeves and helped her wash dishes. What sort of man helped wash dishes?

  When she’d asked Josh where he learned such efficient dishwashing skills, he’d laughed and said the fire station. No one was off the hook there. They all had to share their chores equally.

  She couldn’t help but admire him. He’d done something with his life, something good and heroic. He’d worked his way up the ranks and was now an arson investigator. How cool was that? And what had she done?

  Stayed home and taken care of her kids and husband. She had no career, nothing to be proud of beyond two pretty great sons she could brag about.

  Frowning, she rinsed the pot she used to make the pasta. Raising her boys was a major accomplishment. She’d done it without much help on Marty’s part, either, since he’d always been out of town for so-called work. More like trysts with the girlfriends he had on the side.

  “What’s up with the frown?” Josh asked, his deep voice breaking through her thoughts. He had a nice voice. She wondered what it sounded like if he might whisper in her ear right before he kissed her. “I remember you used to hate washing dishes when we were kids, too.”

  She laughed, unable to hold it back. Heck, she was glad she didn’t hold it back. It felt good to laugh. To feel happy and carefree. Too much sadness had happened in her life this past year and she was sick of it.

  “You know I hate how the water always wrinkles up my hands,” she joked, halfway meaning it.

  “Such a diva,” he teased, nudging her shoulder with his.

  She nudged him back, trying to ignore the flight of butterflies fluttering around inside her stomach. Having him so close, feeling his body heat, made her nervous—in a good way. “Give me a break. I had to wash a lot of dishes back in the day, what with that big family of mine and people always hanging around wanting to eat dinner with us. Like you.”

  “Hey, it was fun hanging out at your house. Patrick was one of my best friends. So were you,” he said nonchalantly, but his words were like a physical blow.

  They had been best friends. He’d done all the g
uy stuff with Patrick and sometimes even Cam, but with Mindy, Josh really talked to her. They went on walks together, bike rides around the lake. They liked the same TV shows and movies, so he’d come over almost every weekend with a couple of rentals in hand.

  She’d spent so much time with Josh through the years, he’d been such a part of her life, and then…he disappeared. She’d rejected him for Marty and he’d cut off their friendship completely. Worse? She hadn’t minded at the time. She hadn’t given him much thought, too wrapped up in her newfound relationship with Marty to really care about Josh and his feelings.

  What a callous, silly girl she’d been.

  Mindy reached into the sink and pulled the stopper, watching the soapy water drain out. The confused tangle of emotions within her tried to do the same but it was so difficult. Like she couldn’t let go of them no matter how hard she tried. “I was such a jerk to you back then.”

  “What?” He dried the pot she’d just handed him, then set it on the drying rack. Funny how Josh could look so sexy performing such a routine chore. Clearly her hormones were acting up since she hadn’t had sex—let alone physical contact with another male she wasn’t related to—in who knew how long. “Why are you calling yourself a jerk?”

  “Because I was one. I treated you like crap, Josh. I ruined our friendship with a few careless words.” She turned the water on and rinsed out the sink, focusing on the mundane task rather than face the man she’d lost as a friend all of those years ago.

  “No, I’m the one who ruined our friendship,” he said, his words startling her. She glanced up and stared into his dark brown eyes, which were full of remorse. “I should’ve never told you that I had…feelings for you like that. My confession ruined everything.”

  “My refusing you and running off with Marty is what ruined everything, and you know it,” she countered. God, she could hardly tear her gaze away from his face. He looked so desolate, so full of regret.

  And so incredibly handsome.

  He shut the water off, his eyes never leaving hers. “I knew you were getting closer to Marty. The writing was on the wall and I realized that maybe…anyway. My telling you I wanted more than just friendship was pure panic on my part. I didn’t want to lose you. I was…” Sighing, he looked away from her, staring out the kitchen window. “Jealous.”

  Jealous? He’d been jealous of her and Marty so he’d tried to throw a roadblock in their budding relationship? She’d known Josh hadn’t liked Marty much, but she hadn’t really cared back then. She’d been too caught up in the throes of teenage love.

  Now she wished she’d been more aware of the signs. She and Josh had spent an inordinate amount of time together. It had started out as just friends—heck, they’d played in the mud with each other in preschool, splashed around in the lake together the summers between elementary school, and wrestled and beat each other up every chance they got that one summer when she’d been ten. They’d been like siblings. As they’d grown older, they’d grown distant in middle school but then once they started high school, they’d become even closer.

  Almost boyfriend-girlfriend type closer, though they’d never once kissed, besides her dropping a kiss on his cheek or Josh pressing a kiss to her forehead.

  Sort of like he’d done earlier…

  And then it had all changed. They’d been friends and then they weren’t. Seen each other at maybe a handful of social events in the ten-plus years since, spoken perhaps a handful of words to each other and that was it. He’d been a boy so ingrained in her life she couldn’t imagine him out of it and then he was.

  She’d never done a damn thing about it either. Just let Josh Powers slip through her fingers like tiny grains of sand, with absolutely no regret at the loss.

  Only years later, when she and Marty first separated, did she think of Josh again and how much she regretted losing his friendship. Completely selfish of her but she’d been so wrapped up in her own life and all her marital troubles, she couldn’t see anything else.

  “You know what I wish?” she suddenly asked, her voice soft, her heart picking up speed. She was about to say something crazy. Could only hope he didn’t think she was crazy for admitting it.

  “What?”

  Inhaling deeply, she hoped for courage to get her through this confession. “I wish I would’ve listened to you and given you—us—a chance. Maybe my life would’ve turned out…different.”

  His gaze darkened, if that was even possible, and his mouth twisted into a rueful smile. “Ah, Min, don’t say that. You would’ve gotten together with Marty eventually. The two of you were determined to be a couple. Once you snagged him, you weren’t about to let him go,” Josh reminded her.

  Did his words mean he would’ve regretted them trying to get together as teens after all? She had no idea. God, this conversation was confusing. “I can’t regret being with him since I have my boys, but I can certainly regret the way I treated you. How callous I was. I never once thought about how you felt when I—I rejected you and I’m sorry about that.”

  He shrugged, going for nonchalance but she could see the tension in his shoulders. They were rigid. “What’s done is done. No need for apologies.”

  “You’re being too kind,” she said, her voice soft, her heart hurting. “I treated you terribly.”

  “Leave it alone, Min. Don’t beat yourself up over this.”

  “What do you think might’ve happened if we had gotten together?” She leaned her hip against the counter, turning so she could face him. Her heart raced, her stomach turning over itself as she waited for his answer. Heck, she couldn’t believe she just asked him that.

  “You would’ve eventually broken it off. You might’ve even gotten together with Marty.” He said it so calmly, like her question didn’t even affect him.

  Confused, she shook her head. “Why do you say that?”

  “Well, I’m like that old, comfortable sweatshirt you own. You know, the extra-soft one that you’ve had forever but can always count on to make you feel warm?”

  She frowned. “Okay…”

  “And Marty was the trendy, never-before-worn leather jacket that looked great and cost a fortune but always made you feel a little uncomfortable. Not that you ever let that stop you,” Josh explained further.

  Huh. That was quite the comparison. He could be right though. Back then she could always count on Josh being there no matter what. He was her rock. She’d missed having him in her life so much, it was as if he’d left a physical hole inside her heart. A hole that had slowly healed over time, though the scar was still there.

  Having Josh in front of her again—being sweet, laughing with her, reminiscing, reminding her exactly what she missed about having him in her life—scared her to death.

  She missed his friendship. She wanted it back. She wanted him back in her life. But what if he didn’t feel the same? What if he didn’t want to renew their friendship?

  Mindy didn’t know if she could take Josh leaving her again.

  Well, last time you left him.

  Right. She didn’t need the reminder. She never said she was a particularly smart teenage girl when it came to relationships. Why had she been so blind to what Josh offered her? “So you’re calling yourself an old, ratty sweatshirt.” She was teasing. Josh was the farthest thing from a gross, old sweatshirt.

  “Yeah, I guess I am. But one that always feels good, you know? One you can count on.” His eyes lit with humor, and he raised his brows, his lips quirking into a smile. “Right?”

  “I’ve never seen a guy so pleased with being compared to an old piece of clothing.” Shaking her head, she laughed, loving how light she felt. How easy it was between them.

  Comfortable. Warm. Like her favorite sweatshirt.

  Mindy frowned. Josh Powers was quickly becoming her new favorite old thing—and that might be a very bad thing.

  Something shifted between him and Mindy when they were washing dishes. The conversation had turned serious, full of regret for their p
ast mistakes. Also full of ridiculous analogies on his part that had made the both of them smile.

  He’d liked it. He enjoyed spending time with Mindy; he always had. Once upon a time, he’d believed her the perfect girl for him. He’d gone so far as to put everything on the line and tell her exactly how he felt. And that had totally backfired. When she ended up with someone else, he’d figured she wasn’t the one. He’d eventually find the woman meant for him.

  But he hadn’t. All these years later and he was still single. Still okay with it too…mostly. He’d dated plenty, had even been in a couple of serious relationships. He wasn’t one of those guys afraid to say I love you and had done so but never too lightheartedly. He’d had a steady upbringing and wasn’t scared to open his heart to a woman either.

  There’d just been no woman who’d interested him enough to make that ultimate commitment to and marry. He’d preferred the single life. Or so he’d thought.

  A couple of hours with Mindy, spending time with her in her house, watching her cook, eating with her, helping her clean up, brought back a flood of good memories. Reminded him just how much he missed her, enjoyed being with her.

  Not to mention the sexual chemistry between them. When they stood at the sink washing dishes together, when their fingers brushed under the water, it had felt like a jolt of electricity buzzing through his veins. Her scent, the way she looked at him, the sound of her voice…

  He could easily find himself falling for her again. Maybe he was right now…

  Did she feel the same? Probably not but hell, he was most likely speculating anyway. Getting caught up in old feelings and memories, thinking they had a chance when it was so very clear they didn’t.

  Once they’d finally finished cleaning the dinner dishes, they set up the cookies and frosting at the table, the two of them quietly going to work on decorating the cookies, Christmas music from Mindy’s iPhone playing in the background. Just as he remembered, the cookies were melt-in-his-mouth delicious, buttery and sweet, and the frosting was good, too. He ate one for every three he frosted, laughing when Mindy glared at him, pointing her green-frosting-covered knife straight at him in an accusatory way.